Of course it doesn't help that most of my friends are getting married and moving away or having babies. I'm so happy for them but I feel a little as if life is passing me by. Where is my place? The friends who have babies make new "mommy" friends because they have so much in common and they want to do stuff during the day and spend time with the family after working hours. This is of course good and right but there is no room for a friend who works during the day in this lifestyle. I am now able to go to WIC meetings and other events and try hard to meet new people and make new friends but it's not my strong point. It is so much work to keep conversation going and I can't help but wonder if I have passed out of the phase of life that is filled with bosom friends. Will I ever have friends again (living near by) who I can relax around, say what is on my mind without worrying how it will be interpret it because they know me that well. It has definitely been wonderful to get to know new people and I am glad for the diverse and wonderful group of women I have been able to get to know but I can't help but be tempted to give up because it seems that just as I start to get close they either get married and move away or get pregnant and get new friends.
So now the question has arisen what am I to be doing with my life right now? Am I doing God's will? What is God's will in my life right now? Am I seeking Christ in all things? Is my behavior, choices, conversation, use of time, etc. bringing glory to God? I'm afraid this has become more than a little depressing to see my own selfishness and failure at every turn. I can't seem to shake it either, how am I bringing glory to God at this party, on this outing, though my conversation, etc. I am undeservedly saved by God's grace and I should be rejoicing in this at all times. I should have joy and be cheerful in this realization every day but what does that look like? I make an effort everyday to leave the house with a smile, to be cheerful for to the poor bored checker at the store, to share my joy in Christ with my students, to witness to those at work by cheerfully sharing in the work we have to do but does it ever get easier? I suppose the devil is always trying to gain a foot hold in my heart but I can't help but long for house of respite on the long journey to the celestial city.
6 comments:
You forgot getting the cutest puppy EVER!
I know the feeling of having your closest friends all over the country and world. Being an adult can be very bitter-sweet. And making a new friend as an adult is challenging. In the three years we lived in MH, I made one good friend. But, now I know that's a significant part of why the Lord put us there. She's a wonderful friend and I would have missed out so much if I had never met her.
Sometimes the faithfulness the Lord calls you to is patience and perseverance in the mundane. It can be very difficult to be content to fill a little space for the glory of God. And perhaps when you're feeling as if you're going to give up on having a friend in the same city (as I was a few years ago), that's when God will surprise you with a new friend!
Love you and praying for you!
I totally know where you're at. And I know we've talked about this, but as Pastor DeMass said at the WIC meeting, it's about contentment.
We really gotta do coffee this week!!
Thanks guys! I get frustrated cause I know all of that is true but you still struggle with it not feeling that way and around here you're not supposed to talk about stuff like that.
Or there's the whole, you have a plan and oops it's not your plan anymore. =)
The "smile for the bored checker" (and so on) is, I think, at the heart of it - cheerfulness and contentment in all things, plus a desire to show Christ's love for others... At least that's what I was reminded of and convicted of as I read this post.
We girls like to dream about the perfect life, and sometimes those dreams do come true. Meet Mr. Right, marry Mr. Right, get a cute little house, etc. But there's always something missing...Is that because we are made for heaven and this isn't it?!
Hans's Mama
Sigh... I need to move back to Tacoma. Every word of that post could have come from my own mouth.
I love you. I miss you. Come visit me!
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